Winner of the Week:

Mark Cuban

Mark Cuban is selling his majority stake in the Dallas Mavericks for $3.5 billion dollars, while maintaining full control of basketball operations. In other words, he is being paid $3.5 billion dollars to play fantasy basketball.

Honorable Mention: HBO greenlights George Santos film

Loser of the Week:

Football / Basketball Wives

Bobby Petrino is back as the Offensive Coordinator for Arkansas, 12 years after an affair with an Arkansas volleyball player cost him his job after the pair crashed his motorcycle. American Dream for him, not great for the wife community. Which brings us to our next order of business…

This guy:

Former NFL player Ryan Shazier’s wife found out via texts on his laptop that the man that she stood by while he was wheelchair-bound following a spinal injury has been cheating on her (and has very strange “rizz”).

Hot take, prob should dump these dudes, that could just be me though idk…

Honorable Mentions: FSU snubbed from the CFB playoffs after going 13-0

Matrix L of the Week:

DK Metcalf learns sign language to troll NFL

Metcalf has been issued over $95K in fines from the No Fun League for excessive celebration in his career, so he has taken matters into his own hands (no pun intended). This is a Hall of Fame level troll job and perhaps the most gloriously petty thing I have witnessed in my life; great to see guys stand up to the tyranny of Emperor Goodell.

Honorable Mentions: Elon Musk tells advertisers: “Go f*ck yourselves”

Man of the Week:

Mitchell Robinson

When Robinson’s high school coach’s wife of 31 years was in the hospital with metastatic cancer, he visited her in the hospital every day. When she passed, he invited his coach up from Louisiana to live with him in New York. They have been roommates ever since. Listen to coach Stockton tell you about it in his own words and watch your respect for Robinson skyrocket. Hoss.

Date Spot of the Week:

Worthwild (Chelsea)

Cuisine: Cocktails, American
Pro’s:
-Cozy, intimate
-”Immaculate vibes”
-Great hospitality (see below)

Good for Date #: 1-2

Need Hinge advice? Write in here and our experts will get back to you via email or anonymously in a timely manner.

Fit of the Week:

Willem Dafoe GQ Italia

Does this look like the fit of someone with a schlong so large that they once had to use a stunt penis to make him look smaller? You tell me.

Graphic of the Week:

The exact reason that I can no longer name my first born “iPhone 15 Pro Max with Titanium”… these corporations are never thinking about the little guy smh.

Fantasy Advice of the Week:

Add Ezekiel Elliot

It’s hard to recommend anyone on this Patriots offense, but with Rhamondre expected to miss a few weeks with a sprained ankle, it’s worth rolling the dice on this former #1 back.

Need fantasy advice? Write in here and our experts will get back to you in a timely manner.

Random Athlete Generator:

Kosuke Fukudome

Jersey of the Week:

OKC Thunder 2012-2016 Alternate

DAWG of the Week:

Koen Entringer, Iowa

On his prime Gail Lewis ishhhh.

[Spoiler Free] Movie of the Week:

Dream Scenario (2023)

Genre: Thriller / Black Comedy

Key Players:
Nicolas Cage
Julianne Nicholson
Michael Cera
Tim Meadows
Ari Aster (Producer)
A24

Where to Watch: In theaters only

Log: A family man finds his life turned upside down when millions of strangers suddenly start seeing him in their dreams. However, when his nighttime appearances take a nightmarish turn, he's forced to navigate the consequences of his newfound stardom.

This was one of those unnerving / off-beat A24 movies that makes me so grateful that I don’t live in the head of the filmmaker that put this thing together. Don’t get me wrong, it was super creative and original which was refreshing, but its just crazy that the people that thought this thing up are living among us.

There is easily a lighter / more mainstream studio version of this exact concept that exists that I probably would've enjoyed much more, but those that enjoy unsettling arthouse flicks will eat this up.

Song of the Week:

High You Are (Branchez Remix) by What So Not (2013)

Meme of the Week:

Hoss or Toss:

People posting their Spotify wraps

Hoss: People are just excited to share a part of themselves with their friends. Kind of some Grinch-level hating to roast them for it.

Toss: There is often a subtext associated with these posts… “lol I’m so quirky”, “yeah no shot anyone has as niche a taste as me”, etc. Don’t love.

What do you think?

Wellness Tip of the Week:

Start each day with a gratitude exercise. Take a moment every morning to think of three things you are grateful for. It could be something as simple as a sunny day, a good cup of coffee, or the support of a friend. This practice helps set a positive tone for the day, encourages a mindset of abundance and appreciation, and can improve overall mental well-being

Credit: Timber McCloud

Wisdom of the Week:

Sunday Motivation:

Only 90’s babies remember.

Hoss of the Week:

Jon Li

Q: What would your MLB walk up song be?

J Li: Train With No Love by Andre Nickatina. Self-explanatory.

Fan Question of the Week:

What is keeping you up at night?

(asked by Timber McCloud)

Ideas. Whether they be for the newsletter, a movie, or a sketch, once my brain gets going, it is very hard to slow down, and it works on over drive in the middle of the night; I’ve even woken myself up laughing at something I came up with in my sleep. I wish my brain worked as efficiently during the day as it does from the hours of 3am-6am.

The brightness of the phone screen can be like eye-rape at that hour and also makes it that much harder to fall back to sleep, so what I do is I use my phone like a tape recorder and mumble these ideas out loud so I remember them in the morning. The result is a camera roll full of black screens, timestamped 0:05-0:20 seconds long, of barely audible late night thoughts.

The Mav Cam:

Read of the Week:

Who/What/Why is Blake Sherwyn?

This article serves as something of an origin story, while bringing everyone up to date on my plans for the next year, as well as why I do this.

Leaderboard:

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