Win of the Week: SpongeBob Squarepants set to perform ‘Sweet Victory’ on the Nickelodeon Super Bowl broadcast

Loss of the Week: Carl Weathers passes away at 76 years old

Best Week: 90’s kids served nostalgia on a silver platter as Jason Kelce announces plans to buy and revive the Backyard franchise

Worst Week: Tony Snell misses deadline to sign with NBA team for 10th year of service, ineligible for lifetime health benefits for 2 autistic children

Man of the Week: Elmo checks in on his friends, expertly navigates massive trauma dump right before his third birthday

Woman of the Week: Tate McRae captains and performs during NHL All-Star weekend, steals the show

Matrix L of the Week: Bud Light does 180, partners with Shane Gillis

Feel Good Moment of the Week: Ravens TE Mark Andrews saves woman’s life on flight

Clown of the Week: 21 Savage cheats Adin Ross out of $250K on livestream via marked cards

Honorable Mentions:
-Best Week: Orioles fans as universally hated owner, John Angelos, sells the team (plus they acquire ace, Corbin Burnes) (Credit: Jaguars5288)
-Best Week: Community fans as movie script is officially completed.
-Clown of the Week: Nikita Kucherov puts zero effort into skills competition, gets ruthlessly booed by Toronto fans (Credit: The Yellow King)

Date Spot of the Week: One White Street (Tribeca)

Dishes of Note:
Duck Confit
Rhm Pretzel with Rutabaga Dijon
Chocolate Tart

Need Hinge advice? Write in here and our experts will get back to you via email or anonymously in a timely manner.

Fit of the Week: Drake’s dino-inspired fit

Hoss or Toss: Apple Vision Pro

Hoss: The future is now old man; most futuristic products were gawked at when they first dropped and are now part of our day-to-day lives without thinking twice. They could also make our lives easier from an efficiency standpoint, not just enabling laziness.

Toss: We are so screwed. These things are going to cause so many accidents, disconnect us from each other and the real world even further, and birth so many incels, all for the low price of $3499.

What do you think?

Last week’s results:
Sunday Gym:
87.5% Hoss
12.5% Toss

Lock of the Week: Taylor Swift and Mr. Pfizer’s Worst Weekend

-Brandon Aiyuk O .5 TDs
-CMC O .5 TDs
-Niners ML

This one is for anyone who wants the vibes in that God-forsaken suite to be abysmal as the Niners carry out what everyone (except for Eagles fans) wants to be done.

Despite leading me to a fantasy championship (I try to plug that any moment I can), I learned last week that Brock Purdy isn’t necessarily the guy to bet other people’s money on, if only because of CMC.

Easy solution: bet on his best weapons. Can just as easily sub out Aiyuk for Kittle in this one.

Last Lock:
Brock Purdy O 1.5 2nd half passing TDs ❌ 

Random Athlete Generator: Torrey Smith

Jersey of the Week: Lyon 1995-1996 home kit

DAWG of the Week: This fan who shaved his head as a free-throw distraction

Watch of the Week: The Sopranos

Key Players:
James Gandolfini
Edie Falco
Michael Imperioli
Joe Pantoliano

Genre: Drama, Comedy (?)

Where to Watch: HBO Max

I must admit, I was so incredibly late to this train and had to have my arm twisted to watch; most of my friends reading this are probably rolling their eyes right now. But if you’re like me and need a little motivation, let this be what sets you over the edge.

By far the best character development in television history, led by arguably the best performance in television history via James Gandolfini as Tony Soprano. There aren’t as many jaw-dropping / action-packed / shock factor moments as you’d see in say a Breaking Bad, it’s much more of a slow burn, but you still can’t look away.

There’s also a nostalgic factor to it, something comforting about hearing the guys chop it up in a way that 2024 television doesn’t necessarily promote.

So grab yourself some gabagool, light up a cigar, and invite your goomah over for some binge-worthy watching.

Song of the Week: Ruby Tuesday by The Rolling Stones (1967)

Wellness Tip of the Week: More tattoos could mean more anxiety

More of a fun fact than a wellness tip but found it too interesting not to share.

Wisdom of the Week: Work expands to fill the time given to complete the task

Sunday Motivation: 

🚨🚨🚨Unreal Update 🚨🚨🚨

Lil Brick Answers the Web’s Most Searched Questions in T-Minus 5 days

A genre-bending parody (and then some) of the famous Wired series is coming your way this upcoming Friday (Feb 9). Spent the last 2 months putting this together, even got GaTa (Dave, Anyone But You) for a vocal cameo and to do some promo. Hope everyone enjoys 🤝 

Fan Question of the Week: What was your most memorable sports moment as a child, either from a game that you played yourself or as a fan?

Tough one but I’d have to say Devin Hester’s opening kickoff return for a touchdown in Super Bowl XLI (2007). This was literally the play that got me into football and the Chicago Bears.

At that point in my life, I had barely watched any football, but watched the game with my Dad who is a gigantic Bears fan. You can’t really ask for a better opening play to introduce somebody to the sport.

Little did my 11 year old self know that that would be the peak of my Bears fan experience and it hasn’t even been close.

I’d like to get it on the record now that, if they draft Caleb Williams and move on from Fields, I will seriously consider following Fields, but that’s a story for another day.

The Mav Cam:

Leaderboard:

Totals reset at the end of each month

and a Meme for the Road:

Have more feedback to share? You can write-in here. Thanks Hoss[ette]