Best Week: Clipper fans

The Clippers are FINALLY getting their own arena and will no longer be playing little brother to the Lakers, at least as far as physical space goes.

It’s not just any arena though.

It will feature a section called “The Wall”, that operates under the following rules:

• Cannot cheer for opposing team
• Cannot wear opponent gear
• Tickets can only be resold in Clippers marketplace

Pretty cool.

On top of that, it will feature a 21+ club that allows cigs inside, as well as [potentially] a volume tracker the monitors the cheers of the loudest fans, rewarding them with discounts and merch for being loud. It’s a work in progress as of now.

The future is now, s/o to Steve Balmer for the passion and out-of-the-box thinking.

Win of the Week: Miami TE Cam McCormick granted 9th year of eligibility

Loss of the Week: Uber announces the closing of Drizly, 3 years after their $1.1B acquisition.

Worst Week: Better Call Saul sets record for most Emmy losses of all time

Man of the Week: Jimmy Butler announces country album with over 60 tracks recorded

Woman of the Week: Ayo Edebiri brings home Golden Globe, Critics Choice, and Emmy all in one week

Feel Good Moment of the Week: Jason Kelce surprises favorite McDonald’s employee with signed jersey post-retirement

Matrix L of the Week: Parents of student suspended for “black face” for wearing eyeblack to a football game file suit

Clown(s) of the Week: NBC censors CJ Stroud’s thanking of Jesus Christ

Honorable Mentions:

• Win of the Week: Burt's Bees collabs with Hidden Valley Ranch to create lip balms inspired by classic wings-adjacent flavors: Ranch, Buffalo Sauce, Crunchy Celery, and Fresh Carrot. Let’s get high.

• Win of the Week: Gavin Newsom vetos bill that would ban tackle football in CA. Rare Newsom W.

• Best Week: Disney Adults will now be able to deliver in Disney’s rumored new maternity ward. Call me crazy but I would not feel comfortable having Goofy deliver my child.

• Best Week: Anyone who got invited to Jim Carrey’s 62nd b-day dinner. Imagine trying to keep up with the jokes at that table? Forget about it.

• Worst Week: DeAndre Ayton misses game due to ice in his driveway. If you don’t wanna play against friend of the Unreal Weekly Roundup, Mikal Bridges, just say that…

• Clown of the Week: Kanye West gets permanent titanium dentures. Not a great long term play my friend but at least he has a built in nut cracker.

Date Spot of the Week:

Frenchette (SoHo)

Cuisine: Contemporary French

Signature Dishes:
-Duck frites
-Tartare frites
-Petite au poivre

Need Hinge advice? Write in here and our experts will get back to you via email or anonymously in a timely manner.

Fit of the Week: Rubi Rose

“When I was little, I played football and my coach told me I was a tight end. The QB ain’t throw a pass 2 me all season. It’s cuz i played right tackle.” - Kevin Durant

Lock of the Week:

The Amon-Ra Special

-Lions ML

These guys are just so hot rn and the Niners have looked so… eh. They’ll be friendly odds too for anyone who bets on them.

-Amon-Ra St. Brown O 100 yards
-Amon-Ra St. Brown O .5 TDs

The Niners’ secondary looked absolutely abysmal last week against the Jordan Love-led Packers. They were literally tripping over their own feet. Amon-Ra has literally had 1 single bad game all year, and something tells me he’s ready to keep eating.

Please bet responsibly.

Last Lock:
Bucs ML ✅ 
Lions ML ✅
Bills ML ✅

You’re welcome anyone who tailed. I’ll take my 10% commission fee @unrealvenmo13

Random Athlete Generator: John Isner

Jersey of the Week: AC Monaco Home Jerseys

Stat of the Week: 

DAWG of the Week: Daniil Medvedev wins Australian Open match… at 3:40am

“Christopher Nolan doesn’t even really like it when you go to the bathroom but he understands you have to. I asked him ‘dude when do you go?’ And he goes ‘11am and 6pm’. I was like, ‘are you f*cking with me?’”- RDJ on working with Christopher Nolan

Watch of the Week:

Old Dads

Key Players:
Bill Burr
Bobby Cannavale
Bookeem Woodbine

Genre: Comedy

Where to Watch: Netflix

Bill Burr’s directorial debut that basically plays like a feature version of his standup. Fun jabs at the modern world (without being preachy) grounded in character is how Burr makes the magic happen.

Song of the Week: Sandstorm by Darude (2000)

Hoss or Toss: The Polar Express

A sequel of the POLARizing (lmao 😆) Christmas movie is officially in the works, prompting the question:

Hoss: A classic is a classic and I respect the OGs.

or

Toss: The animation is uncanny and creeps me tf out.

What do you think?

Wellness Tip of the Week:

Cold weather can be deceptively dehydrating. Keep your immune system in top shape by staying properly hydrated. Water, herbal teas, and broths are excellent choices to help combat winter dryness. - The Yellow King

Wisdom of the Week:

Sunday Motivation: 

Theo Von is much wiser than he may come off.

Fan Question of the Week: Which teacher or professor left the greatest impact on your life? What made them so special or unique?

I’ve been fortunate to forge a special bond with many teachers/professors over the years, contrary to what my complicated relationship with authority figures might suggest. Here are two of my favorites:

Pre-college, one of my favorite teachers was my kindergarten teacher, Ms. Hamilton. As a shy kid (I entered kindergarten a year earlier than everyone else which came with its struggles), she was consistently so kind and always made me feel heard/seen. Was definitely a motherly figure of sorts.

Professor Silva was one of my favorite college professors. She was always great at facilitating debates which I loved and always let me submit borderline inappropriate videos in lieu of presentations/essays. You can watch one of them here. There was also this:

The Mav Cam:

Leaderboard:

Totals reset at the end of each month

and a Meme for the Road:

Have more feedback to share? You can write-in here. Thanks Hoss[ette]