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  • Unreal Weekly Roundup May 12: Eagle Scouts, Death Squads, and a Portal to Hell

Unreal Weekly Roundup May 12: Eagle Scouts, Death Squads, and a Portal to Hell

“Weekly superlatives for the people, by the people”

Win of the Week: Trump announces plan to deploy undercover assassination squads to Mexico to combat cartel

If any cartel members are reading this, it’s just a prank bro plz don’t kill me

Loss of the Week: NYC-Dublin portal designed by artist to bring the world together produces slew of horrific interactions

The saying “this is why we can’t have nice things” was created for moments like this (Click the image to see some of the worst)

Best Week: Teens kicked out of school for “black face” awarded $1M after proving in court that it was an acne mask

Turning a $25.51 investment into $1M may be enough to outweigh the shame and get them that finance internship that was probably revoked

Worst Week: Indiana Pacers submit ***78*** missed calls for review during first 2 games of the series vs the Knicks

2K cheese but make it real life (my controller would be in pieces rn)

Man of the Week: Koba (from Planet of the Apes franchise) takes over internet and your favorite movies

Koba has been rumored to be portraying Sir Isaac Newton in the upcoming A24 biopic “Newton” (Click the image to see the best mash ups)

Woman of the Week: 32 year old millionaire enrolls in high school as a 13 year old girl, dominates basketball team

My dream starting line up consists of PG: Troy Bolt, SG: Air Bud, SF: Lola Bunny, PF: This girl, C: Escalade

Feel Good Moment of the Week: Former MLB player, Dexter Fowler, fulfills promise to parents and gets degree from Penn State (despite his already $100M in earnings)

I hope he was able to get a few tailgates out of it as well

Fit of the Week: Josh Hart Eagle Scout throwback

Currently pursuing the “NBA Champion” merit badge

Date Spot of the Week: The Allerton Rooftop (Midtown East)

Click the image to snag a res.

Rooftop szn is so back. Great spot for some fresh air, good drinks + chips and guac. Plus they have ping pong downstairs.

Need Hinge advice? Write in here and our experts will get back to you via email or anonymously in a timely manner.

Jersey of the Week: Knicks Thorwback Tuesday jersey

(Tingus Pingus, 2017, colorized)

Watch of the Week: Fast Times at Ridgemont High

Where to Watch: Roku / Prime ($3.99)

A movie that will make you nostalgic for a time that you probably weren’t even alive for, Fast Times will make you want to throw away your iPhone and crack a cold one in the back seat of your friend’s dad’s Cadillac; its the perfect way to kick off the summer.


Song of the Week: American Girl by Tom Petty

Click the image to listen.

Wisdom of the Week:

Sunday Motivation: JJ Redick talks fate / accountability

Fan Question of the Week: Would you rather live in Los Angeles or Miami?

Asked by: The Yellow King

Now that I have officially spent enough time living in both, and let the dust settle on Miami, I can answer this with a clear head.

There are pros and cons to both but keep in mind, different strokes for different folks. Here are mine:

LA Pros:
-Good for entertainment networking: every seemingly innocuous night out is a chance to meet a person that will help your career in some way shape or form
-Huge diversity of activities from sports, to outdoorsy stuff, to comedy shows, etc.
-Great for hiking, walking the beach, and other outdoor activities
-Typically always sunny
-Health-conscious culture

LA Cons:
-Not great for people with more traditional values
-Nightlife can be hit or miss; way less “hype”
-The stereotype is that people are fake, but opportunist is probably a better word. I’d rather fake nice though than real mean like you find in other places *cough cough* New York…
-Serious homelessness problem / aesthetically displeasing these days

Miami Pros:
-10/10 weather year round, besides maybe summer when it gets too hot
-The best looking people in the country
-Best night life in the country
-Clean / aesthetically pleasing
-My wardrobe was built for this place
-Generally people with good values
-Can live in a luxury apartment for crazy cheap comparatively; easier to hunker down and work when your environment is working for you as opposed to having to contend with it

Miami Cons:
-Nightlife can be overwhelming if you don’t check yourself
-LA gets a bad wrap for being superficial but I think Miami might be the most superficial place in the country
-Very little entertainment industry presence
-Not great for outdoorsy stuff besides boating. I got laughed at for asking where a good place to hike is

Overall, I gotta give it to Miami. I’d live in Orange County maybe if I were forced to live in LA, but my heart is down South. ¡Viva!

Hoss or Toss: Rebooting The Office

Credit: Jaguars5288

In light of recent news

Hoss: We can trust the brains behind what is considered one of the best shows of all time not to let us down. It’s been enough time where this could potentially fill the void that the show left many of us when it ended.

Toss: Why must every single successful piece of IP have some sort of reboot? Can’t we let sleeping dogs lie? There’s no way this will even come close the original, so why even bother.

Last week’s results:
Facetime Engagement Screenshots:
66%: Hoss
33%: Toss

The Mav Cam:

Maverick is ready for bootcamp.

Leaderboard:

Totals reset at the end of each month

and a Random Athelte for the road: Nick Swisher

Credit: Ravens12

Until next week,

Blake Sherwyn

Have something you’d like to submit for next week? Click here and fire away

Have more feedback to share? You can write-in here. Thanks Hoss[ette]