Winner of the Week:

The Video Game Community

Huuuuuuuge week to be a gamer.

• After a 10 year wait, Rockstar has finally announced a trailer for GTA 6.

• Doritos has rolled out their brand new “crunch cancellation” software, “Doritos Silent”. This technology will allow gamers to chew chips without their headset picking up the noise.

• Tommy DeVito makes first start for the NY Giants while living at his parents place in NJ, leaving basement dwellers everywhere with a new hero. “Ma look, he’s just like me!”

• Kyler Murray comes off IR just 3 days before the new Call of Duty drops. Despite having a clause in his contract that limits his playing time, it’s an eclipse of good news for the Cardinals QB.

• Omegle has officially closed its doors as founder acknowledges “unspeakably heinous crimes”, keeping gamers out of prison and on the couch where they can continue to master their art.

Click here for an in-depth breakdown of how Call of Duty drops have effected Kyler’s fantasy and on-field performance over the years.

Matrix L of the Week:

The UES rallies for Caffè Arrone

After the Caffeè Aronne owner posted photos of Israelis being taken hostage by Hamas militants, the store’s baristas walked off the job in protest of his “pro-Israel” sentiment. The response from the community was something straight out of a movie:

• Customers formed a line down the block to show support via their wallets, bringing in $25,000 in revenue in one day. But who is going to serve them coffee?

• Members of the community instantly stepped up to fill the vacant positions to keep the shop running. Here is store owner, Aaron Dahan, on one of his hirees:

  "She said, 'I just landed in New York this morning. My house was destroyed in Israel two days ago by a rocket.’ I said, 'Do you know how to make coffee?' She said, 'I've been a barista for five years.' I said you're hired."

• Their cup, milk, and bean suppliers, each expressed support in the form of free stock.

People helping people 🤝 

Man of the Week:

Josh Dobbs

Some long overdue love for a QB we can all agree that we didn’t take seriously when he came into this year as a temporary starter to replace the injured Kyler Murray. Here is how he won our hearts:

1. He’s just as lost as you would be starting a new job. He needed directions to the Vikings home locker room (he won his first game on the road) and still doesn’t know any of his coworkers’ names, though he promises to learn.

2. He won his first 2 games for the Vikings, barely having learned their playbook.

3. He has a degree in aerospace engineering from Tennessee and interned with NASA.

“When I grow up, I want to either be an astronaut or an NFL quarterback.”

“Okay, Josh, just finish your Juicy Juice”

The passtronaut out here making dreams come true.

Clown of the Week:

Warner Brothers

Warner Brothers has shelved highly anticipated film, Coyote vs Acme, which was centered around While E. Coyote suing ACME, the company that is responsible for all of his gadgets backfiring in pursuit of the Road Runner.

Story by James Gunn. Starring John Cena. $70M budget. CRITICALLY ACCLAIMED…. shelved for a $30M tax credit???

W.T.F. Warner Brothers… this one hurts on multiple levels. Besides robbing the fans of what seems like a really original and fun movie for everyone, I cannot imagine the hurt that everyone who worked on this project must be feeling. Its a miracle that any movie gets made, and to have it stripped away from you at the 1 yard line must be absolutely devastating. Warner Brothers reminded us that they are just another soulless corporate conglomerate chasing the dollars, with art and fandom being an afterthought.

This montage made by a member of the crew is the closest thing we’ll get to seeing this movie. RIP.

Date Spot of the Week:

Lure Fishbar (SoHo)

Cuisine: Seafood, Sushi

Pro’s:
-Extensive menu, almost overwhelming
-Cool venue, you feel like you’re stepping into a boat
-Lively and fun atmosphere

Con’s:
-Very loud / chaotic

Good for Date #: 4-5

Need Hinge advice? Write in here and our experts will get back to you via email or anonymously in a timely manner.

Fantasy Advice of the Week:

Stash Ty Chandler

This one is for people in deeeeep deep leagues, whose waiver wires are barren, who have some bench space to play around with. Cam Akers was brought on to help a struggling Alexander Mattison, but he just went down with a torn ACL. Next man up? Ty Chandler. It’s a stretch but Ty could be a fun cinderella story going into the back half of the season.

(I convinced myself while typing this and added him in the middle of this paragraph)

UPDATE: Chandler went on to score a TD in his first game as the Vikings RB2. Maybe I DO know what I’m talking about (this was written Saturday)…

Need fantasy advice? Write in here and our experts will get back to you in a timely manner.

Random Athlete Generator:

Juan Pierre

Jersey of the Week:

Vancouver Canucks throwbacks

Graphic of the Week:

Tyson Bagent’s last 10 opponents

Movie [Review] of the Week:

Five Nights At Freddy’s (2023)

Key Cast:
Josh Hutcherson
Elizabeth Lail
Matthew Lillard

Genre: Horror

Where to Watch: Theaters, Peacock

Review: I watched this movie so you wouldn’t have to. Unsure whether it is rated PG or rated R, FNAF awkwardly flips between a kids movie and a bloody slasher, but doesn’t nail either enough to justify the tonal whiplash. The plot is filled with holes and relies a bit too heavily on the suspension of disbelief, and that is coming from me who is a very very generous viewer.

I really don’t get the hype around this one, though I’m almost certain its coming nearly exclusively from the FNAF video game die hards.

Song of the Week:

Man on the Moon by R.E.M. (1992)

Meme of the Week:

Wisdom of the Week:

Sunday Motivation:

Normal isn’t good enough. Aim higher.

Hoss of the Week:

Tommy Cronin

Q: If you could have any super power, what would it be and why?

T. Cronin: The superpower I’d like to have would be controlling weather and temperature. Less sexy than the well known ones but would be unbelievably convenient. Could get it 80° and sunny on the beach days and dumping pow on the ski days. Spin a hurricane in the city on days hungover when I don’t want to be in the office. Perpetually wearing a hoodie and shorts.

Fan Question of the Week:

Q: What is the worst day of the week to be horny?

Guest Host Stephen A. Smith (click for video):

The Mav Cam:

Monthly Leaderboard:

Totals reset at the end of each month

Unreal Weekly Special:

No I’ve Never Been to Heaven, but I’ve Been to Alabama

I put my heart into this one… crank up Dixieland Delight, crack a cold one, and you’ll feel like you were there. Hope you enjoy 🤝