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Win of the Week:

Logan Paul takes down Dillon Danis

I tried so hard to frame this as a “Dillon Danis Clown of the Week” as to not have to give Logan Paul “Win of the Week”, but you gotta give credit where credit is due…

After leaking a video of Logan’s girlfriend’s sextape, Dillon Danis was eliminated by Paul via DQ during Saturday’s fight. He barely got a punch off.

This is a win for not just Logan, but for justice as a whole. I don’t care if its [insert worst person you can think of], leaking their significant other’s sextape is about as low as it gets for a human being, no ifs, ands, or buts. If Mr. Rogers leaked Kim Jung Un’s gf’s sextape, I’m rooting for Kim. Sorry Rog, that’s just the moral food chain. Happy to see nature take its course this week.

Loser of the Week:

Theater Kids

For some context, this is her ex:

This is the ultimate “you vs the guy she tells you not to worry about”. Ethan Slater gave hope to theater dudes everywhere that they can get the “it girl”, only for Patrick Queen, 230 pounds of pure testosterone, to step in and give them a swift nut tap back to reality. Our thoughts and prayers are with you, Ethan, and the rest of the theater community.

Matrix L of the Week:

Harvard students vs the real world

31 Harvard student organizations signed a letter giving full responsibility to Israel for the Hamas attacks this past week.

In response to their justification of the unspeakable acts of the “freedom fighters”, as they’d like to call them, their names and images were displayed digitally on a truck and driven around campus. Additionally, billionaire, Bill Ackman has launched a crusade to publish the signatories of this letter so he and others know who not to hire.

Cancel culture isn’t right no matter which way it swings, but as far as people that excuse terrorism go, yeah, if HR doesn’t want to hire them that’s cool with me.

Man of the Week:

Connor Bedard

Connor Bedard proved himself to be well worth the hype this week as well as quite the hoss. The events leading up to his first game showed us everything we need to know about the #1 overall pick. Let’s break em down.

1. A few days before opening day, Bedard said:

“I’d be so sick of hearing about me if I was a fan. There’s been too much stuff on me. I haven’t even played a game yet”

Refreshing take from an athlete where the narrative is typically, “I’m so special“, “I’m the greatest to ever do it”, “I want ownership in the team that drafts me even though I’m 21 years old and just threw 3 picks in the first half vs a lower-ranked team”. Humility goes a long way and Bedard gets that.

2. Shortly after, it was time to suit up for his first ever game. He opted to go buckets off in warmups, eating the $2500 fine to soak up the moment and give the fans a show.

3. He went on to show us - not tell us - that he was the real deal by scoring in his first ever NHL game.

To every generationally talented athlete reading this newsletter, this is the blueprint ⬆️ 

Date Spot of the Week:

Sexy Fish (Miami)

Cuisine: Sushi, Drinks

Pro’s:

-Such a sick venue. As you can see in the image, there are literal fish floating from the ceiling. And not just regular ol goldfish. But swordfish and octopus too.

-Unreal people watching (We ran into critically acclaimed actress, Abella Danger, at the bar. I told her that her work moved me and inspired me to pursue the arts. We hugged and cried. It was beautiful.)

-They have performances throughout the night: dancing, mermaids being carried out by mer-men, gymnasts, you name it.

Con’s: A liiiiittle bit touristy, but not really even. It’s Miami, you can do whatever you want. Forget I said anything

Good for Date #: Any

Secret Sauce: Do not get the Octopus Hotdog. You will freak out the women you came with and ruin the night for everyone. Get literally anything else

Need Hinge advice? Write in here and our experts will get back to you via email or anonymously in a timely manner.

Fit of the Week:

Bryce Harper and Nick Castellanos’ Pregame fit

I am so sorry if you girlfriend subscribes to this newsletter, but if she does, just focus on yourself dawg.

Bryce Harper and Nick Castellanos stole the show against the Braves on Friday, showing up looking like absolute studs and then beating the Braves’ collective ass 10-2. To add insult to injury, Orlando Arcia, who talked some smack before the game, was on the receiving end of a Harper mean mug after one of his two home runs.

I’d also like to take this time to apologize for some comments I made on last weeks post about Kylie Jenner and her take on the situation in Israel. I pride myself and think of myself as a man of faith – as there's a drive into deep left field by Castellanos, it will be a home run. 😉 

Click here for a follow up to last week’s Fit of the Week recipient, David Njoku, who wore a mask over his face to conceal burns he sustained in a freak accident at the fire pit in his home. Spoiler alert: That link is a picture of the burns. It’s not too graphic, but not everyone is built that way.

Fantasy Advice of the Week:

Acquire Tyjae Spears

This is a face that says, “I’m coming for your Derrick Henry.” Tyjae currently averages 5.8 yards per carry to Henry’s 3.8, and is slowly accumulating more and more touches. With an aging DH starting to slow down, there may soon be a new king in Tennessee…

Snag Tyjae if he’s available off waivers, or buy super low for him via a lowball trade with a fool who doesn’t subscribe to this newsletter.

If I have recently tried to trade you Derrick Henry in fantasy, this post is just a prank bro haha

Need fantasy advice? Write in here and our experts will get back to you in a timely manner.

Random Athlete Generator:

Danny Woodhead

Danny transitioned into golf immediately after retirement. Sounds like a relaxing alternative but I do have to wonder if he ever has PTSD flashbacks of Ray Lewis charging at him down the fairway..

Jersey of the Week:

New York Giants Throwback Red Alternate

Hoss or Toss?:

The Tush Push

The NFL has announced that they plan on discussing whether or not to ban the “Tush Push” at the end of this season.

On one hand, not every team has a QB that is capable of executing it with the same consistency as Jalen Hurts (the eagles have a 71% 4th down rate largely due to this play). Making a rule to nerf a wildly talented player can set a very dangerous precedent moving forward.

On the other hand, should the play be banned, the game wouldn’t change that much, especially because it is a rather new phenomenon. Better to nip it in the bud sooner than later before it becomes a part of the sport’s DNA.

What do you think?

Movie of the Week:

Platoon (1986)

What to say about Platoon….

1. First of all, it’ll make you feel so fortunate to grow up in America when we did. Our society is so far from perfect, but we are living in the best time in history to be an American; watching the stories of the 18 year old soldiers in this movie, some of whom chose to be there, will make you painfully aware of that.

2. Director Oliver Stone served in Vietnam himself, and modeled characters from the movie out of people he actually knows. It has been referred to as one of the most accurate Vietnam movies ever made.

3. The cast is jam-packed with actors who were not big at the time, but soon blew up. Watching this movie is kind of like seeing their rookie cards. I’ll list a few of them out for you:

   • Charlie Sheen

   • Tom Berenger

   • Willem Dafoe

   • Johnny Depp (blink and you’ll miss him)

   • Kevin Dillon (aka Johnny Drama)

   • Forrest Whitaker

4. The music is hauntingly beautiful. Click the image above to listen.

Song of the Week:

Never Been to Spain by Three Dog Night (1971)

Fantastic road trip song. In fact, I’m listening to it right now Ubering into the city.

Meme of the Week:

Wellness Tip of the Week:

Give yourself a vacation hoss and hossettes

Wisdom of the Week:

Sunday Motivation:

Well said, Gibby. Well said.

Hoss of the Week:

Will Hartigan

Q: Who was your favorite athlete growing up and why?

Hartigan: If you ask a Boston sports fan in their 20s who their favorite athlete was growing up many will say Tom Brady. While Tom built a dynasty, Big Papi was a legend in his own right. He was clutch but most importantly he brought tons of personality to the game. He was not afraid to charge the mound, annihilate a dugout phone, or take a selfie with the president. My favorite Big Papi moment will always be when he was given the mic to rally and reassure Boston fans that “this is our f*cking city” after the brutal marathon bombings. While I thank Tom for his Super Bowl victories, Papi’s antics and energy were unmatched.

The Mav Cam:

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