Have something you’d like to contribute? Click here to submit a nomination for next week’s edition.

Each submission made is 1 point, every submission accepted is 5. A winner and a corresponding prize will be announced at the end of each month 🏆

Worst Week:

The Chicago Bears

Here is a quick list of the things that have gone wrong for Chi-town in the past week:

1. They lose to Baker Mayfield and the Bucs, prolonging their losing streak to 12 games

2. Justin Fields throws coaching staff under the bus after their loss

3. Their defensive coordinator has officially resigned and is being investigated by the FBI and their liaison, Charles “Peanut” Tillman (yes you read that correctly)

4. Thieves stole $100K worth of equipment from their stadium on Wednesday night

…..this is their year though.

Matrix L of the Week:

Dave Portnoy's One Bite Pizza Festival

Washington Post put out a hit piece (not linking bc not giving that clown show clicks) in anticipation of Dave’s One Bite Pizza Festival in Coney Island this Saturday. It didn’t work. Despite the pouring rain, 5000 people were in attendance, driving traffic to small businesses, and undercutting the hold that legacy media thinks they have on the common man.

Quote of the Week:

"Back in the day they just smoked cigarettes and drank beers, all the kickers and punters did. But I know you can't do that anymore in America. Can't do any of that fun stuff."- Jeff Traylor, HC, University of Texas San Antonio

Man of the Week:

Michael Gallup

Now THAT is the type of attitude that you want in the locker room, and one that will bode well for Gallup’s career longevity. Spoken like a gentleman, a scholar, and, most importantly, a hoss.

Clown(s) of the Week:

Kenji Lopez

Let me be perfectly clear: I’m not dick-riding Dave Portnoy, but I’m not not dick-riding Dave Portnoy. But for real, it’s like this Kenji guy sat in on one class at Wesleyan and stuffed every buzzword he learned into one post.

Besides the unsubstantiated claims, what’s really awful is that he’s sabotaging a small business the process. You can support them, however, below: (this is not a paid ad, we just love small business here at The UWR) 

What really tickles my fancy however is that everyone who steps to Portnoy gets clobbered by both Dave and the court of public opinion, losing credibility in the process *cough cough* Henry Blodget / Business Insider, Wash Post… and yet they never learn their lesson.

Date Spot of the Week:

Copinette (Upper East Side)

Pro’s: Lots of great shareable / small dishes
Con’s: Have had 2 meals here: one great, one mid. ie it is possible to order wrong
Good for Date #: 1-2
Secret Sauce: The bacon-wrapped shrimp are fuego

Fit of the Week:

Andrew Luck, Civil War edition

The man disappears from the limelight for years, only to return in extraordinary fashion, no pun intended. Luck is from the DMV area which means he probably would have fought for the South, but I am able to separate the art from the artist. Here is the meme that inspired the fit:

Hoss or Toss?

Tinder Select

Tinder has officially rolled out a premium subscription service: for just $499 a month, you will have access to a higher crop of dating prospects ie hotter people and celebs.

Thank GOD its $499 and not $500. I would hate to overpay for a dating app…

I get what they’re doing. They see Raya, Lox Club, The League, and other “elite” application-based apps and they feel dirty. They feel like the “2am on a week night meet up in the back of my Honda Odyssey” app…

and that’s what they are. And that’s why we love them. You don’t see Waffle House trying to feed us truffles and ceviche, trying to get a Michelin star. I personally think Tinder should stay in their lane, but I also respect them swinging for the fences. What do you think?

Last-Minute Waiver Scoop:

Braxton Berrios, WR, Miami Dolphins

With Jaylen Waddle out with a concussion, Braxton will be stepping into the WR2 role for the Miami Dolphins. Waddle’s absence puts most of the defensive attention on Tyreek Hill, giving Braxton an exciting ceiling. He hasn’t necessarily turned heads with numbers in the past, but if you’re desperate, why not take a chance on the guy who rizzed up Alix Earle? (I can’t believe I just used that expression, my ancestors are so disappointed)

Random Athlete Generator:

Joe Crede, 3B, Chicago White Sox

Jersey of the Week:

Houston Astros Space City

Movie of the Week:

Lord of War (2005)

By no means a perfect movie, Lord of War is certainly a fun one. It boasts one of the best title sequences in movie history while also serving as a non-biopic biopic (inspired by, not explicitly about) of Viktor Bout aka The Merchant of Death aka the guy we traded Brittney Griner for. Those memes never did get old…

Song of the Week:

San Francisco by the Mowgli’s (2012)

Another gem that I didn’t exactly fall in love with at first from a rather unconventional Guardians of the Galaxy: Volume III soundtrack. The lesson learned? Trust James Gunn.

This song will make you want to dance through the streets of a city that is currently covered in fecal matter and needles, without a care in the world. If that isn’t art, I don’t know what art is.

Meme of the Week:

Wellness Tip of the Week:

Drink 80oz of water a day

That is ~8 Poland Spring water bottles…. Jesus Christmas, time to step it up.

Wisdom of the Week:

Fix one thing in your life at a time

Sunday Motivation:

Great advice from one of the hardest working people in the entertainment industry.

Hossette of the Week:

Tina Morcos

Q: If you could have one superpower, what would it be and why?

T. Morcos: My super power would be to be able to change the list of questions Blake has given me. With this superpower, I would add in a question that says “What’s the best diet for humans To consume?”. I would answer this question stating that a plant based diet is the optimal way to eat for your health, environment, and animal welfare. According to The WHO, we know that processed meat causes cancer, red meat probably causes cancer, and dairy is the number one source of saturated fat in our diets. Cholesterol (only found in animal foods) and saturated fat are great contributors to heart disease, which is the number 1 cause of death in the U.S, and plant based diets are naturally absent of cholesterol and low in saturated fat. Therefore this diet can prevent-and even reverse-chronic disease, and aid with weight loss, clear skin, mood, saving money, and so much more!

Note: THIS WEBSITE DOES NOT PROVIDE MEDICAL ADVICE. The information, including but not limited to, text, graphics, images and other material contained on this website are for informational purposes only. No material on this site is intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition or treatment and before undertaking a new health care regimen, and never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website.

And in honor of Tina’s animal loving spirit…

Endanger Species of the Week:

The Red Panda

Fun Facts:

• Red Pandas were the first ever discovered pandas

• Their fur is nearly luminescent, allowing mothers to find their cubs in the dark

• They spend 2/3 of their day sleeping (David Goggins punching air rn…")

• They use their tails as pillows

Click the image above to help support these cuties and their habitats.

(The Red Panda Network has earned an 100% on the Culture and Community Beacon ie it is a trustworthy organization that uses donations responsibly). 

The Mav Cam:

Leaderboard:

Totals reset at the end of each month